Thursday, January 27, 2011

Better Writing - An Occasional Series - Dec. 16, 2010

Not a member of the JEA listserv? Then you are missing useful material that can help you improve vocabulary (a strong vocabulary is the number one predictor of college success), headline writing, and even typography. But never fear. I will keep an eye on the list for you. Below are some examples you can use:

Vocabulary passages from the New York Times, courtesy of Bob Greenman (former Brooklyn adviser who taught with the Times as his only textbook):

We all know by now that we should be getting 30 minutes a day of moderate to vigorous physical activity on most days. Yet for all the proselytizing, wheedling and cajoling, only about 5 percent of the population has bought into the program. Jack comment: we are always advocating strong action verbs in our writing, and our students need to consume a steady diet of such verbs – perhaps just putting up examples like this series of gerunds on a projector to open class once a week could help?

“Being sedentary is the norm in America,” writes Dr. Toni Yancey, a professor of health services at the University of California, Los Angeles. Thanks to the plethora of labor-saving devices and motorized vehicles, we now “spend most of our waking time sitting, reclining or lying down.” (Jane Brody) 11/23/10 Jack comment: for some reason, students love the word “plethora,” and there is a danger it will be overused.

It was Wednesday, the day after he announced he was resigning as chancellor of New York City’s gargantuan, long-troubled school system. We were sitting in a conference room in the old Tweed Courthouse in Manhattan, the ornate city landmark that became the headquarters for the Department of Education in 2002, shortly after Michael Bloomberg was elected mayor and jolted the city by naming Mr. Klein, a lawyer with virtually no education experience, to the job. (Joe Nocera) 11/13/10

Public housing is falling apart around the country, as federal money has been unable to keep up with the repair needs of buildings more than half a century old.

Over the last 15 years, 150,000 of the nation’s public housing units have been lost, officials said, as agencies have sold or torn down decrepit properties. Jack comment: I’m not sure how many times the above three adjectives should appear in your publication, but they certainly show up in what kids read. A nice bonus for our students is better scores on the SAT, perhaps. Another point: this sentence is in passive voice, which we properly discourage. But here passive voice is the correct choice. We just need to teach how to determine this. I would say the same about the passive use in the Bloomberg paragraph. Perhaps Times reporters have a bit more leeway in choosing active or passive?

Sweet potato pie is a lovely concept, for a variety of reasons: it beautifully marries sweet and savory, it uses a vegetable as the foundation of a dessert, its color is stunning and it’s creamy and crisp all at once. (Mark Bittman) 11/19/10

Since campaigning in 2008, Mr. Obama has been dogged by persistent suspicions about his place of birth. Despite evidence to the contrary, a significant number of Americans still do not believe him. (Megan Thee-Brenan) 8/4/10 Jack comment: “marries” and “dogged” are unusual but apt verbs. We need to encourage our students to experiment in the writing process with simply subbing in more dramatic/precise verbs as they produce drafts. I’m sure you also note that this sentence also includes passive voice – it is more important for readers to know who is being dogged than who is doing the dogging, I suppose.

A vivid three-action-verb sentence (the second sentence here):

VIVIAN, S.D. — The storm slammed into this dusty prairie town with the clatter of falling bricks. Hail shattered windows, punched holes in roofs and mangled cars. The clumps of ice were left to melt, but one, an unusual spiked orb the size of a cantaloupe, was preserved in the freezer of an old ranch hand. (A.G. Sulzberger) 11/20/20 Jack comment: not only are all three verbs vivid, but the passage also can help us illustrate parallel structure and rhetorical triplets – it really is amazing how many times three is just the right number of examples. And, doggone it, there’s passive voice again. Would it worthwhile to do a quick exercise in class in which each of the above passive constructions need to be rewritten in active voice? Could end up with an interesting discussion.
On headline writing:
Could this headline, over an article about a more humane way of slaughtering chickens, be the headline of the year? http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/22/business/22chicken.html

And check out this headline and story: Watch the Wabbit, Watch the Wabbit http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/10/movies/homevideo/10bugs.html

Jack comment: “Watch the Wabbit” was the original head, and the Times later went with the more prosaic one that you see on the site. Great opportunity to discuss the differences (are there any?) between print and web headlines. I suppose we could overuse puns and allusions in our headline writing, but do we really want to settle for headlines that don’t drag readers to our stories?

From a listserv discussion on lede/lead writing:
Students are forever wanting to lead with one word – like “Dedicated.” You find yourself wanting to discourage this practice, and your instincts are correct. But there are always exceptions to solid rules. There's an example on the front page of the Sept. 17, New York Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/17/arts/dance/17ballet.html

Comment from Becky Tate (Kansas adviser): I’m going to add that to the story I tell my kids about a Dallas Morning News editor saying, “You have three times in your life to use a question lede. Choose wisely.”

Comment from Karl Grubaugh (California adviser): I once had an editor in my professional life who said you get a one-word lede once ... in your career. So make sure it's the right moment.

And a quick tip on type:
From Annette Lyon’s “There, Their, They’re: A No-Tears Guide to Grammar from the Word Nerd”

Em Dashes, En Dashes, and Hyphens
Each of these punctuation marks is a dash that gets progressively shorter and connects progressively smaller pieces of information.

Em dashes connect thoughts. (Alt + Shift + hyphen in Windows, Command + Shift + hyphen on a Mac)
En dashes connect numbers. (Alt + hyphen in Windows, Command + hyphen on a Mac)
Hyphens connect words.

Jack comment: My caveat to the above is that you and your designers need to decide what actually looks best. My students usually opted for En dashes over Em dashes, thinking the Em dash (approximately the width of an upper case M in whatever font and point size you are using) was too generous. But they also added a space on either side of the En dash, avoiding a crowded look. There is no perfect answer to which is best, but it is one of those decisions that should not be left to chance. Dang! Passive again!

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