Everybody needs an editor - a continuing series

Jan. 30, 2013

In today’s "Denver Post," page 18A, we find this 72 point headline: Senate overwhelming OKs Kerry as secretary of state.

Oh dear.

The good news is that the adjective “overwhelming” is replaced by the correct adverb form, “overwhelmingly,” on the Post website, but we again find that those pesky adverbs cause writers and editors fits.

Here’s the lede to the story: The Senate voted overwhelmingly Tuesday to confirm Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., as the next secretary of state, filling a crucial national security spot in President Barack Obama’s second-term Cabinet.

The Post is one of the many newspapers that have done away with the traditional copy desk, which is a shame on many levels. Even had the headline writer used “overwhelmingly,” this still would not have been much of a headline.

Are we really reduced to simply copying and pasting the story lede into the headline space, tightening a few phrases and losing a few details?

Don’t most readers start with the headline and deck (this deck was “Only two senators from Texas and one from Oklahoma vote against him,” which is awkward in its own way – after all, there ARE only two senators from Texas, so we might have written “Both Texas senators and one from…” Sigh), and then begin the text?

Do reader really need to take in the same information twice within a few seconds?

We need to challenge our student journalists to not only avoid glaring adverb errors, but to provide headlines that do not simply repeat what readers will find in the opening graf. Space on the page is too precious to waste.

What about: “Susan Rice a distant memory, Senate welcomes Kerry as secretary of state”

or “Senate united in confirming one of its own as nation’s top diplomat”?

I’m sure there are many more options. Providing students with a sample news story (sans headline) and asking them to write as many possible heads in various styles as they can in x minutes is not a bad exercise when you have some time to spare.